The preteen and teen years are often stormy and difficult for both kids and adults to navigate. At this age, children are faced with rapid physical changes, big questions, and decisions about the person they will become. To help teens navigate this season well, a basic understanding of child development can help adults know what to expect, the behaviors and thought processes which are developmentally appropriate, and how to come alongside teens as they mature.
Preteens
The preteen years include ages 10 – 12. These years often herald the start of adolescence with the onset of puberty, as well as many other social and emotional changes. In addition to a myriad of physical changes, puberty also begins a second major season of synaptic pruning in the life of a child, the first being in the toddler/preschool years.
In the process of synaptic pruning, the brain hones and refines itself for adulthood. Neural connections that are used most often are strengthened with a myelin sheath to make them faster and more efficient. Neural connections which are weaker or infrequently used are pruned away to conserve energy and resources.
The rapid physical growth and enormous amount of brain development happening in the preteen and teen years result in children needing 8 – 10 hours of sleep a night. In the same way that babies and toddlers need a great deal of sleep due to rapid physical growth and explosive brain development, pubescent preteens and teens need a great deal of sleep. Sleep deprivation can negatively affect focus, attention, and mood during these already turbulent years.
Around puberty preteens and teens also become very self-conscious. They may feel as if there is a “spotlight” on their actions and appearance. This is a developmentally normal resurgence of egocentrism, much like egocentrism in the preschool years when children have a difficult time taking the perspective of another person. Preteens have a difficult time taking the perspective of other preteens and understanding that other children are also self-conscious and self-focused. The “spotlight” is primarily in their perception of themselves, but feels very real to preteens and teens.
Socially, preteens face the jarring experience of going from the top rung of the elementary social ladder – as the oldest and coolest in the children’s ministry – back to the bottom rung of the social ladder as the youngest and greenest kids in the student ministry. The transition from children’s to student ministry can be awkward or uncomfortable, but there are a number of ways children’s and student ministries can partner together to encourage a smooth transition for preteens.
One way to help preteens transition into the student ministry is to help familiarize them with volunteers in the student ministry, the spaces of student ministry, and the routines of student ministry. One example is for the oldest elementary age group to have VBS take place in the student ministry spaces, with volunteers who typically serve in the student ministry. Preteens become familiar with the classrooms and begin building relationships with the adults who will be leading them once they move up to the student ministry. The student ministry can also host an orientation or open house to create familiarity. Creating intentional opportunities for crossover into the student ministry world, and building relationships in advance can go a long way in alleviating fears of the unknown and helping preteens transition into the student ministry.
Teens
The process of synaptic pruning continues through the teen years, and is guided by the habits and environment of the child. This is one reason that addiction in the teenage years is especially pernicious, whether it be drug use, pornography, or anything else. These habits and environmental input shape the brain during an especially sensitive and moldable period. The good news is that our brains remain “plastic” throughout our lives. We are able to “rewire” our neural connections through the formation of new habits. Practicing spiritual disciplines and cultivating a renewed mind actually rewires our brains!
The brain also matures back to front and bottom to top. The cerebellum in the back, lower portion of the brain controls movement, balance, and motor functions. In the midbrain, the limbic system processes emotions. The very front of the brain, right behind the forehead and eyes, is the prefrontal cortex. This is the part of the brain that controls reasoning, decision making, and complex thought. The prefrontal cortex isn’t mature until the mid-twenties.
This is why a teen can be a phenomenal athlete, who also makes poor choices that cost him an athletic scholarship. A teen can have highly developed motor skills, making him a great athlete, while also lacking a mature prefrontal cortex to assist with rational decision making. Teens can also seem moody and irrationally ruled by their emotions. Their limbic system processes complex emotions without the help of a mature prefrontal cortex to temper those emotions with rational thought and evaluation.
Teens, though, experience a natural desire for increased independence, and can often be challenged with increased responsibility as a result. Teens who are engaged and invested in the life of the church can be brought on as assistant leaders and helpers in many areas. They can serve alongside adults and be entrusted with responsibility while also being mentored and trained by seasoned leaders. Recruiting teens to serve with children, play in a praise band, serve with the technology team, or other opportunities not only helps mature and develop teens, but also strengthens and edifies the church.
The teen years are also a time when young people begin to question their beliefs, who they will become, and whether they will “own” or abandon their faith. Teens need support in grappling with hard questions of what is true; scripture or other religious or secular alternatives? What is good; is following a biblical life really what’s best for me? And what the future holds for them personally; faith in Jesus or some other path?
The greatest gift we can give teens is to come alongside them in this season, walk with them as they grapple with big questions, and invest in them to enter into adulthood with a firm understanding of not only what they believe but why they believe it. We have the awesome opportunity to develop teens into leaders and watch them grow into all that God created them to be. The teen years can be challenging, but they can also be fruitful for the Kingdom!
First published here on Faithly.
KidMin with Dr. Val and Dr. Virginia 